Linux Spoof


Subject: Linux Spoof
From: Matthew Dunaway (fert@eagle.ptialaska.net)
Date: Mon Jul 21 2003 - 00:59:53 AKDT


If Linux was a car...Sense of Humor required!

M: Hey Pete, Can you help me put a radio in my Debian?

P: You're an Idiot, RTFM!

M: I need more help than that.

P: You're an idiot! I did a Google search. It's in the page referenced by
the footnote in the 37th hit. If I could find it, so can you.

GS: (good Samaritan) You need to rebuild the engine to add a radio.

M: Rebuild the engine?

P: You're an idiot!

GS: There's a how-to. It's written for a "Hat", but it's mostly correct
except that engine is in the rear. It's translated from German, but they did
a pretty good job. It'll tell you to hook the radio to the red and black
wires, but since you've got a Debian, there won't be any red and black
wires. And you still need to write the radio driver. Don't forget to regrind
the camshaft. If you don't, you'll get an error message that you don't have
permission to change the tire pressure, but it's the camshaft. You'll need a
lot of tools, but you can get them for free. Most of them come with
instructions... about 900 pages in all. Read 'em all carefully and
understand 'em before you start. Should be able to figure it all out in a
couple of months.

[MUCH LATER...]

M: Hey Pete, I didn't get all the stuff I needed to rebuild my engine. Can I
borrow your Drake again?

P: The wife has the Drake, but you can borrow the Hat.

M: This is different. Where's the steering wheel?

P: That dashboard was really using a lot of gas. This has what is called a
CLI. Just type CTRL-L to go left and CTRL-R to go right.

M: What about the gas and brakes?

P: That's all combined into a single speed number. Just type ps | grep
speed. The headings are in Klingon, but the third number is the one you
want. Just divide by the speed of light to get meters/second. You'll have to
parse it out, calculate the new speed and use the nice function to change
the priority of the process. That changes the speed. If you had just read
the manpage, I wouldn't have had to tell you all that.

M: Which manpage?....never mind... What if I need to stop in a hurry?

P: Gotcha covered. There's a script for panic stops. Just type
PanicStop-3.8.63278665-HAT when=now. It will ask you for a password. Enter
the password and hang on cause you're gonna stop real quick. I'm really
proud of the deceleration optimization routine. Be careful typing, it's case
sensitive. If it gives you a cryptic error message and doesn't stop, it's
probably because you forgot to add yourself to the brakes group. It's all in
the manpage.

M: Which manpage?....never mind...

[MUCH, MUCH LATER....]

M: I wish I hadn't sold my Gates. At least I could drive it to town and pick
up Granny....

P: You're an idiot!.....

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This archive was generated by hypermail 2a23 : Mon Jul 21 2003 - 00:59:58 AKDT