Subject: Linux Challenges Viagra
From: Kirk McFadden (captkirk1767@yahoo.com)
Date: Sun May 12 2002 - 10:06:04 AKDT
Linux Challenges Viagra
In a stunning new developement within the software
community reasearches have discovered somewhat by
accident that women are hot for linux users and
programmers. Since the "little program that could" has
risen to prominence and rocked Microsofts' world, many
new uses for the program have been discovered as the
alternative operating system has made inroads into
niche markets and proprietary enclaves across the
industry board including embedded architecture,
entertainment and gaming, not to mention traditional
office suite strongholds.
Researchers were tipped off recently by an obscure lab
technician working on embedded technology for adult
toys and games. Upstate resident Clyde DeMortenson was
working on a trade secret project code named 'morty'.
It was only after being admitted to protective custody
by the New York Port Authority that DeMortenson
revealed his incredible findings to MIT.
"Response levels are off the scale," states one MIT
researcher, "We've had to recalibrate all of our
equipment as a result of 'morty'."
According to the findings, since confirmed and
corroborated by independant labs as well as MIT, women
are so attracted to linux users that the attraction
approaches the obsessive. "Maniacal," states one
researcher. The attraction triggers a reciprical
arousal mechanism in males, even long dormant
programmers locked away for years in basement labs
working on archane programs.
DeMortenson had picked up a small contract with an
adult industry supply house and soon after beginning
work developing 'morty' he had shared some of his
findings with a neighbor. Word, and attraction,
spread, so to speak, and within days the once lonely
lab tech was beseiged by requests for dates and sexual
pressure of every description. Described as sleight of
stature and non-descript, pasty and pale by custody
officials at the Port Authorty, women interviewed in
the wake of recent events insist that DeMortenson is
"a modern day Casanova, bold and heroic, a real man."
Many trembled openly at the mere mention of the
operating system used by the lab worker. "I'd do
anything for a morty," says one attractive model
interviwed for this article.
"We don't really know," stated one MIT professor
familiar with the project when asked what affect this
would have on the industry and the life of the common
man in a broader sense. One researcher, asked not to
be identified in this article, speculates that the
genetic base of the western world might actually be
altered as women begin to reject sports figures and
rich men in favor of men with the calm quiet demeanor
of the typical linux user. "Still water runs deep,"
says one researcher, "and women will begin to realize
that as they follow their sexual impulses." While the
overall impacts are unknown at this point, one thing
is certain, desktops and workstations across the
country will take on a bold new look as people hit
their "start" buttons for the last time.
Sales of the operating system are expected to
skyrocket now that word is out and stock prices of the
more popular editions of linux are already responding
to market pressures. Corporate officers at RedHat and
Suse are hopping with glee over the unexpected
windfall even as they scramble to ramp up production
and tool up for the anticipated run on linux. Developing.......
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This archive was generated by hypermail 2a23 : Sun May 12 2002 - 10:06:07 AKDT