[aklug] Breaking News Flash

*C and Unix were just a big prank!*
In an announcement that has stunned the computer industry, Ken Thompson,
Dennis Ritchie and Brian Kernighan admitted that the Unix operating
system and C programming language created by them is an elaborate April
Fools prank kept alive for over 40 years. Speaking at the recent Linux
Development Forum in Helsinki, Thompson revealed the following:

"In 1969, AT&T had just terminated their work with the GE/Honeywell/AT&T
Multics project. Brian and I had just started working with an early
release of Pascal from Professor Nichlaus Wirth's ETH labs in
Switzerland and we were impressed with its elegant simplicity and power.
Dennis had just finished reading 'Bored of the Rings', a hilarious
National Lampoon parody of the great Tolkien 'Lord of the Rings'
trilogy. As a lark, we decided to do parodies of the Multics environment
and Pascal. Dennis and I were responsible for the operating environment.
We looked at Multics and designed the new system to be as complex and
cryptic as possible to maximize casual users' frustration levels,
calling it Unix as a parody of Multics, as well as other more risqué
allusions. Then Dennis and Brian worked on a truly warped version of
Pascal, called 'A'. When we found others were actually trying to create
real programs with A, we quickly added additional cryptic features and
evolved into B, BCPL and finally C.

We stopped when we got a clean compile on the following syntax:

        for(;P("\n"),R--;P("|"))for(e=C;e--;P("_"+(*u++/8)%2))P("|"+(*u/4)%2);

To think that modern programmers would try to use a language that
allowed such a statement was beyond our comprehension! We actually
thought of selling this to the Soviets to set their computer science
progress back 20 or more years. Imagine our surprise when AT&T and other
US corporations actually began trying to use Unix and C! It took them 20
years to develop enough expertise to generate even marginally useful
applications using this 1960's technological parody, but we are
impressed with the tenacity (if not common sense) of the general Unix
and C programmer. In any event, Brian, Dennis and I have been working
exclusively in Ada on the Apple Macintosh for the past few years and
feel really guilty about the chaos, confusion and truly bad programming
that have resulted from our silly prank so long ago."

Major Unix and C vendors and customers, including Nokia, HP and Intel
have refused comment at this time. Microsoft, a leading vendor of BASIC
and C tools, including the popular VB.NET and C#, stated they had
suspected this for a number of years. They look forward to enhanced
reliability and speed in Windows 8. It will be re-written from the
ground up in VB.NET and is due out sometime this decade. An IBM
spokesman broke into uncontrolled laughter and had to postpone a hastily
convened news conference concerning the fate of the Blue Gene/V, merely
stating 'VM will be available Real Soon Now'. A Sun Microsystems
spokeswoman merely sipped her java and smiled enigmatically. In a
cryptic statement, Professor Wirth of the ETH institute and father of
the Pascal, Modula 2 and Oberon structured languages, merely stated that
P. T. Barnum was correct.

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Received on Thu Apr 1 09:59:23 2010