Subject: The best Click Through Agreement I have ever seen
From: Shortpier (shortpier@shortpier.is-a-geek.com)
Date: Sun Jan 26 2003 - 09:26:13 AKST
Got this off of slashdot
ELECTRONIC END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT FOR VIEWING ILLEGAL ART EXHIBIT
WEBSITE AND FOR USE OF LUMBER AND/OR PET OWNERSHIP
NOTICE TO USER: BY METABOLIZING YOU ACCEPT ALL THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS
OF THIS AGREEMENT INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, USE OF YOUR HOME AND
CAR BY THE AUTHORS OF THIS AGREEMENT.
This Website End User License Agreement accompanies the Web Pages and
related explanatory materials ("Crap"). The term "Crap" also shall
include any upgrades, modified versions, or repaintings of the Website
licensed to you by either The Prince of Wales, a sentient washing
machine, or my old Rabbi (the one who used profanity). Please read this
Agreement carefully. At the end, you will be asked to accept this
agreement and provide this Website with a warm, lingering, creepy hug.
If you do not wish to accept this Agreement, simply click the "I do not
accept" button while forcefully shoving your computer off the back of
your desk ("Card Table").
Upon your acceptance of this Agreement, this Website grants to you a
nonexclusive license to use this Website or your own Shoes ("The Dressy
Ones"), provided that you agree to the following:
1. Use of the Website.
1.1 You may use this Website on a hard disk or other storage device. On
a scrap of drywall with a Sharpie, install and use the Website on a file
server or a tomato server for use on a network or a VHS copy of the
motion picture "Network" or for the purposes of (i) permanent
installation onto the small of your back at the base of your spine via a
tattoo or other storage devices or (ii) for providing the illusion of
working while at work (using the following methods of deception: looking
intently at the screen, moving the mouse, and typing decisively on the
keyboard); and make backup copies of the Website for later printing and
spreading out in an alley to make a nice bed.
1.2 You may make and distribute unlimited copies of the Website,
including copies for commercial distribution, as long as each copy that
you make and distribute contains this Agreement and is created in one of
the following media: carved out of ice, as in an ice sculpture
centerpiece; smeared in mustard on the side of a white or off-white
panel van; or taught to a parrot who is then condemned to fly the earth
for eternity, incessantly repeating the mantra of this Website.
2. Copyright and Trademark Rights. The Website is owned by its authors
("the Elks Clubs of America") and its suppliers. Its structure,
organization, and code are the valuable trade secrets of the Freemasons,
probably. The Website is also protected by United States Copyright Law
and a group of big, scary goons who will happily beat you until you're
ejecting teeth like a winning slot machine. Use of any trademark does
not give you any rights of ownership in that trademark, jackass. Except
as stated above, this Agreement does not grant you any intellectual
property rights in the Website. Got it, fucko?
3. Restrictions. You agree not to modify, adapt, translate, reverse
engineer, decompile, disassemble or otherwise attempt to discover the
inner motivations, dreams, aspirations, or weird, possibly sexual
fantasies of the Website.
4. No Warranty. The Website is being delivered to you AS IS and we make
no warranty as to its use or performance. WE DO NOT AND CANNOT WARRANT
THE PERFORMANCE OR RESULTS YOU MAY OBTAIN BY USING THE WEBSITE. LOOK,
WHEN THIS WEBSITE GOES ALL CRAZY AND DESTROYS YOUR COMPUTER, KILLS YOUR
PET, SLEEPS WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER, DIGS UP ALL YOUR OLD POETRY AND
LAUGHS AND LAUGHS, THEN CALLS UP YOUR FRIENDS AND READS THEM ALL THOSE
REALLY EMBARRASING PARTS OUT OF YOUR JOURNAL, LIKE WHEN YOU SAID YOU
WERE "DESTINED FOR BEAUTY" OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT, WE MAKE NO GUARANTEES
AND WILL SIMPLY JOIN WITH EVERYONE AND LAUGH AT YOUR SORRY ASS, BECAUSE
DAMN, THERE'S NO FREAKING WARRANTY HERE. GET IT? NO WARRANTY. NONE. AT ALL.
6. Notice to Government End Users. The Software and Documentation are
"Real Bitchin'," as that term is defined at 48 C.F.R. §2.101, consisting
of "Real Bitchin' (formerly 'Radical' items)" and as such terms are used
in 48 C.F.R. §12.212 or 48 C.F.R. §227.7202, as applicable. Or maybe 56
C.Fsomething something. 7. Oh, and these things, too: §§§§. Consistent
with 48 C.F.R. §12.212 or 48 C.F.R. §§227.7202-1 through 227.7202-4, as
applicable, as well as §R2-D2 and §JOHNNY 5, locked in a beautiful
metallic embrace of everlasting robot love.
PLEASE INDICATE YOUR ACCEPTANCE OR DECLINE OF THE FOREGOING AGREEMENT BY
CLICKING ON THE APPROPRIATE BUTTON BELOW.
Shortpier
10 mins, Bill Gates, and a baseball bat. Is this to much to ask god?
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This archive was generated by hypermail 2a23 : Sun Jan 26 2003 - 18:29:36 AKST